Decided to re-dye my faded-out blue hair. I didn’t do it for ages as it faded as it went green and I kinda liked it. It was just plain yellow though and looked like bad highlights so it was REALLY time to sort it.
Figured as I liked the green why not go for a sort of emerald colour. My housemate broke out her vast collection of dyes and mixed up light green and dark turquoise and we hoped for the best.
We’re in Gloucester Cathedral in January and it is freezing. Jeremy Irons has admitted to wearing long johns and Tom Hiddleston says he’s been piling the layers on too, but mainly on his top half “because otherwise it’s a mission to go to the loo”. The director,…
I started going to the dojo when I was in sixth grade. It was a very masculine environment; there weren’t a lot of other girls there but the male senseis who ran the place were great guys and they genuinely loved having female students because we were such a rarity.
Now back in sixth grade I was tinier even than what I am now, and now I’m only 5’2. Then I was probably even under 5’0. I mean I was a squirt of a kid. But I loved to fight; I loved to be in the ring, I loved the adrenaline rush and I loved having punches hurled at me. It was fun for me. Our dojo did full-contact sparring, which was pretty brutal. These were the only rules:
you must wear a mouth guard and gloves
no hits below the belt
That’s pretty much it.
Anyway every Thursday was Fight Night, where all we did was spar each other. And on my First Night Sensei Diven—who has since passed, bless his soul—paired me up with this really cocky and assholish brown belt to show me the ropes a little. This brown belt kid was bigger than me by a lot; he must have been at least six feet and twice my weight. But man was I excited to get into the ring! I had a fight boiling in my blood.
Now, Sensei Diven was not a stupid man and he hated high-ranking kids that showed a bad attitude. This kid had a bad attitude. So he must have seen the evil gleam in my eye from a mile away and decided it was time for a little improvisation.
Anyway, Sensei yelled, “Start!” and I leapt into fight stance and the other kid didn’t even put his hands up. He was laughing at me, sneering, the whole nine yards. “I’ll give you a free one.” he joked, and he slapped his side. “You barely weigh 100 pounds and you’re a girl. So go ahead, little girl. Hit me.”
And I hit him. I cocked my leg up as high as it would go and roundhouse kicked him right in the ribs with all of my might and all of the contempt I felt for his stupid cocky face which was covered in ugly-ass freckles and his nasty-ass braces. And I heard a crack. Like a real snap! sound. And the kid has a look of surprise on his face like it was nobody’s business, and then he goes right to the floor like a sack of potatoes.
Now, Sensei Diven leisurely strolls over from the group of black belts who are laughing their asses off at me, the tiny little white belt, sending my Goliath to the floor. I mean they’re laughing so hard they look like they’re about to pee themselves. They think it’s a game. And in his great booming voice he hollers:
“Brown Belt! Why are you on the floor? Do you not see this white belt has been assigned to fight you?”
And meanwhile he is just crying. I broke one of his ribs.
And Sensei Diven just squats down next to this poor kid and whispers, “Don’t you know that women are made of pain?”
After getting injected with a super dorky blog serum during a science experiment gone horribly wrong, I become a half blog half person hybrid(a thing if you will) and after a lot of brooding in the darkness of my room the government recruits me to fight off the hipster blog menace threatening to turn the world into a bunch of over edited photos and pictures of nebulas with stupid “deep” phrases written over them. After much reluctance(and self hatred) I see that I can use my powers to help the world. A dramatic fight ensues, which consists of me first easily beating the crap out of my skinny hipster foe, then me getting over confident and getting my ass handed to me and just when I’m about to give up and/or die something happens and I find my enemy’s weakness and exploit it(Top 40 music) and defeat them once and for all. There is billions of dollars of damage done to the city, but I am now a hero, saving everyone from having to be pretentious assholes.
And I totally get to make out with the guy I’ve had a crush on.
After a chance coincidence, I happen to meet Tracy Scoggins, of baywatch fame, and we bond over stories of boobs, baywatch and pouring glasses of water over ourselves for no discernable reason except to suggest sexual frustration. Before we know it we’re desperately in love. We marry, and living off her undisputed kazillions, I become a kept woman. I fill my time with caring for all the natural things around me coz I’m like motherfucking Snow White, until one day I come across a witch in the woods who too has fallen for Tracy. In a fit of jealousy, she turns me into one of the many animals naturally present wherever I go.
I now spend my time eating grass and waiting for the researcher (paid for by my wife Tracy) to find a cure.
- Having sex every day. - Saving sex for your wedding night. - Never having sex. - Having sex with different people. - Having sex with one person. - Having sex with a person of your same gender. - Loving sex. - Hating sex. - Being loud. - Being quiet.
The only thing wrong with sex?
When it’s not consensual.
Because that’s not sex. That’s rape.
Reblogging again because this post is so important.